Caryn G | 22nd January 2025 | Dealing With Failure & Setbacks, psychology & Mental health

    Ashamed of your drinking habits and feeling like a spectacular failure?   Maybe you’ve tried to quit many times but failed dismally. You’ve promised not to drink, only to cave in as soon as someone suggests a quick one.   Maybe you didn’t need to be persuaded; you drank just to be defiant and bloody-minded and say “f**k it” to the world and all those judging you.   I went down that road many times.    It was a road full of potholes, and I fell in every damn one of them. Until one day, I woke up and knew which way to go. I knew how to avoid the potholes or jump out of them if I needed to.   I would promise not to drink, and then 10 minutes later I had a glass of wine in my hand.    Ashamed of your drinking habits and feeling like a spectacular failure?   Maybe you’ve tried to quit many times but failed dismally. You’ve promised not to drink, only to cave in as soon as someone suggests a quick one.   Maybe you didn’t need to be persuaded; you drank just to be defiant and bloody-minded and say “f**k it” to the world and all those judging you.     I went down that road many times.    It was a road full of potholes, and I fell in every damn one of them. Until one day, I woke up and knew which way to go. I knew how to avoid the potholes or jump out of them if I needed to.   I would promise not to drink, and then 10 minutes later I had a glass of wine in my hand.    Two mouthfuls later and I’d be shaking my head in disbelief and beating myself up for being a bloody-minded idiot and failing spectacularly.   I’ve been sober for over 3 years and although I‘ve kicked alcohol, some of the old loser habits still linger.    Take last night, for example; I know I should cut down on my sugar intake and give cakes and chocolates a wide berth. I thought about all the sugar I was consuming as I stuffed a sweet mince pie in my mouth. Then I thought, “Sod it!” and shovelled in another one.   I didn...

Caryn G | 23rd December 2024 | Life After Alcohol, psychology & Mental health

Mulled wine, the sound of clinking glasses, the joyous chatter of family and friends gathered together; this is the Christmas and New Year movie I played in my head for decades.   While many looked forward to indulging in seasonal drinks, I found myself grappling with a growing desire to step away from alcohol — particularly during Christmas and the New Year.    The urge to quit drinking was strong, but the pressure of societal expectations weighed heavily on my shoulders.    My gut was screaming to stop the madness whilst my body yearned to wake up alcohol-free, feeling fresh and relaxed. But, if I stopped drinking at this festive time, wouldn’t it make me the world’s biggest party pooper? The Hangover Cycle   I remember waking up on Boxing Day every Christmas with a heavy head and a mouth like sandpaper.    The memories of the previous night’s revelries often blurred together as I sifted through the detritus of half-hearted attempts to enjoy myself.    Each year, I vowed that this would be the last time I overindulge, yet the allure of festive cheer and the clinking glasses beckoned.    The promise of laughter and merriment twinkled like a shining star in the night. Its brightness eclipsed the reality of hangovers — those grotesque mornings spent nursing a bad gut and bleary eyes.    I was tired of looking in the mirror at someone who was a stranger to me. A person I despised for being weak and pathetic unable to control her drinking. I wanted to be someone else. Someone vibrant and healthy, not perpetually worn down, looking and feeling like it’s an effort to live.   Never Happy After Alcohol?   Beyond the immediate effects of hangovers, I came to realize how alcohol impacted my physical and mental health.    Alcohol wasn’t just a temporary thrill; it wreaked havoc on my gut, disrupting digestion and leading to uncomfortable bloating, I was sure I would explode if someone were to stick a pin in me. ...

Caryn G | 28th August 2024 | Life After Alcohol, psychology & Mental health

You might think that the hardest part of quitting is missing alcohol. You would be wrong! There’s a dark side to being sober that people rarely talk about. The truth is, it can be uncomfortable being sober. There are all sorts of shadows lingering in the darkness waiting for you when you finally get sober. But it’s ok because if you were strong enough to decide to get sober, you’re strong enough to deal with the shadows. After all, everyone needs a hero’s journey because without one there is no happily ever after. “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”― Joseph Campbell There are some dark shadows on the road to lasting sobriety. They’re not easy to deal with but that’s ok because facing them is easier and better than waking up every day feeling guilty because you broke your promise not to drink. It’s better than looking like you’ve been hit by a sledgehammer. Or worse still, wondering when it would be a reasonable hour to have a quick snifter or the hair of the dog. The Shadow of Grief The first shadow you’re going to have to deal with is the loss of your best friend. No, actually I’m wrong. The first uncomfortable truth is realising that alcohol was your best friend! That’s just not an easy truth to swallow. It can be shocking to discover that the only genuine attachment you have developed in your entire life is an attachment to alcohol. Booze, the only thing in your life that you loved and liked. Hell, you don’t even like or respect yourself because if you did, there is no way you would abuse your body, neglect your health or feed your soul with the rotting breadcrumbs of a life badly lived. When you realise that you no longer have a best friend, you’re going to experience feelings of grief. I want to be transparent here, because I believe if you know what to expect, then it’s less scary. You are going to realise just how big a deal alcohol was in your life. Not being able to drink or go out boozing ...

Caryn G | 05th August 2024 | Strategies To Quit Drinking, Health

Welcome to Join Sober: Your Guide to Thriving in an Alcohol-Infused World Welcome to Join Sober! If you have ever felt like you are swimming upstream in a culture completely obsessed with drinking, you are in the exact right place. This website is your dedicated sanctuary—a space filled with raw, unfiltered, and life-changing Quit Lit designed to help you reclaim your power, break free from the trap of alcohol, and finally start living the life you aspire to. Whether you are here because you are starting to question your relationship with alcohol, looking for actionable ways to stop, or seeking a massive upgrade in your personal growth, sobriety and happiness are closer than you think. It’s time to join the Sober Revolution. What You’ll Find on Join Sober To help you navigate your journey, our articles are grouped by exactly how you are feeling and what you need right now. Dive into our core pillars to get started: 1. Brutal Truths for the Sober Curious Before you can change your habits, you have to smash through the denial. In this section, we dive into the unvarnished realities of alcohol. We explore the profound impacts of drinking on your Physical Health—from disrupted sleep to toxic inflammation—as well as the deep Mental Health & Psychology of addiction, exposing the chemical anxiety ("hangxiety") and dopamine crashes that alcohol leaves in its wake. If you are ready to see alcohol for what it truly is, start here. 2. Strategies to Quit When you are ready to put down the glass, you don't need vague inspiration—you need practical, real-world tactics. This section is packed with actionable roadmaps and immediate coping mechanisms to help you survive the early days, set firm boundaries, and take back control of your life. 👉 Get started right now: [3 Essential Quit Drinking Strategies for Self-Medicating With Alcohol] 3. Dealing with Failure & Setbacks Let's be completely honest: recovery is rarely a straight line. If you...

Caryn G | 01st December 2022 | Brutal Truths For The Sober Curious, psychology

You don’t know you’re fighting for your life because you’re an idiot and you’ve lost the ability to see what a complete and total loser you have become.   You think you’re just fighting for another drink because that’s the only movie playing in your head.   There’s a bloody loud voice that’s screaming insistently in brutally blunt language “Drink!” “I want a drink!” “Will somebody please just give me a f*****ing drink!”   Too sad. You chose to ignore reality and the giant warning signs along the path to the bottle of booze AKA poison. You forgot to read the small print that said, 100% guaranteed “End Your Life Hack.”   Come on, let’s get honest here.   You did ignore them, didn’t you?   You chose to get drunk. You chose to have a hangover, you chose to wash, rinse and repeat and to become an alcoholic. Ttatty   Was that a little harsh?   I don’t think it was. I don’t think it was harsh enough.   What I really should have said was wake up, you bloody idiot! What the hell are you doing to yourself?   You are choosing alcohol over life. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, good about what you are doing.   Sliding into that bottle every night is just a lack of imagination on your part and a huge act of cowardice!   Wake up and grow a pair of balls for god’s sake. Develop the self-care skills you need to change your life and deal with problems in a way that doesn’t kill you and poison the lives of everyone around you.   Stop telling yourself that your life sucks. Get out of the cage of fear and get some real help and real support. Find some people you can trust. People who don’t drink and who can see the world from a different perspective.   Your Friends Suck   Don’t hang around with the enablers. The people who are drinkers. Drinkers can’t give you any guidance. They drink for god’s sake!   They can’t be honest with you b...

Caryn G | 21st August 2022 | Brutal Truths For The Sober Curious, psychology

You are the dumbest, smartest person you know. And when you quit drinking, you are going to realise just how dumb you have been. You’re going to realise what a complete and total moron you were for opening the door to alcohol. You might think this is a bit harsh. It’s not. The truth is once you quit drinking, reality is going to come knocking on your door and you’re going to have to face it. It won’t be easy. Your Drinking Life Revealed You’ll have to take a long, hard look at how you got where you are now. Some of you won’t want to do it because you know deep in your heart that it won’t be pretty. Trust me, I know I’ve been there and there’s a damn good reason they call it the ugly truth. If you want to move forward, you need to take a long, cool look at your past. It’s the only way to learn and grow. So take a moment and sit down to think about the choices you have made about alcohol and then make a list. What you discover will shock you & upset you as you write things like: Wasted a shed-load of money. Hell, I could’ve bought a house by now. Lost my memory when I blacked out. Had hundreds of conversations about things I couldn’t remember the next day. Said countless things I shouldn’t have. Drank so much that I damaged my body and needed to take time off work. Loved alcohol more than I loved myself. Prioritised booze instead of my life. Didn’t perform well at my job. Played small when I should’ve played big. This is not an inclusive list. Once you get started you will find it grows as you finally get honest with yourself and confess those deep dark drinking secrets. The Emotional Roller Coaster When you start to realise how alcohol screwed up your life, you’re going to feel angry. You’re going to feel mad at yourself for not quitting sooner. You’re going to feel so bloody angry that you lost so much of your life to some goddamn crappy, poisonous, chemical concoction that society conditioned you to ...

Caryn G | 19th August 2022 | Strategies To Quit Drinking, Health & Psychology

It’s no secret that we live in a culture that encourages drinking. That's why you need keys to help you quit drinking. Whether it’s beer commercials during the match or wine pairings at a fancy restaurant, there are endless opportunities to drink alcohol and be rewarded with the approval of your friends, family, and colleagues to boot. And while there’s nothing wrong with enjoying a glass of wine or a cold beer on occasion, if you are reading this there’s a very good chance that your drinking is an issue, it’s no longer fun and it’s a habit you want to break. You are not alone. Understand Your Conditioning Many people find themselves drinking more than they intended. This is no surprise. This is an expected consequence of drinking alcohol. Alcohol manufacturers want you to do this. How else are they going to keep increasing their profits year after year? We drink more because we’ve been conditioned to believe that drinking is normal, and even necessary, in social situations. We’re taught that it’s rude to refuse a drink, and that alcohol is the best way to relax and have fun. We don’t question it because it’s what society expects of us. As a result, we often end up drinking more than we really want to. Sometimes it’s more than we can afford, not only in terms of money wasted but also in terms of our health. It might start off with hangovers after a night out when we really push the boat out with our friends, but then it starts to increase as we begin drinking more and more at home. You know it’s the wrong thing to do, but you just can’t break the cycle. Every night you tell yourself you won’t have a drink. But you do. You try to reason with yourself, but the truth is you broke another promise to yourself and the guilt and the shame are starting to eat you up inside and you don’t know how to climb out of the hole you are digging. Your will power has gone on permanent vacation and you just don’t have the strength to say no ...

Caryn G | 17th August 2022 | Strategies To Quit Drinking, Self-Improvement

“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” -Paulo Coelho There are many reasons why you might decide to cut back or quit drinking. You might want freedom of choice so you can control what you put into your body because you’re working on improving your health & fitness levels. Maybe you crave financial freedom, which means you need to stop wasting your money on booze and put it into your savings or start that business you always dreamed of. If you’re creative, maybe you’ve figured out that if you cut back on mindless drinking time, you would have more time-freedom to turn your dream into reality. Whatever your motivating factor is, you’re going to need some inspiration to keep you on track to achieve your goal. So let’s dive into some great inspirational quotes from people who know what it’s like to face challenges and succeed. “You are never too old to set new goals or to dream a new dream.” - C.S.Lewis It’s never too late to make a change in your life. I was 59 when I finally quit drinking and my friend was 73. We both had decades of alcohol history under our belt. We were masters in the f**cked up art of drinking. If you’re ready to quit drinking, you’re ready to quit! Young or old, age makes no difference. Prioritise your freedom and take your first step by making a decision to improve your health, wealth, & freedom of choice today. “The only way to do great work is to love what you do.” -Steve Jobs Find something that inspires you and use it as motivation to quit drinking. Look for something to fall in love with. This can be anything from jigsaw puzzles to skydiving. When you are engrossed in something you love, your desire for the booze fades. This is also a good time to fall in love with yourself. Recently, I attended a Wildfit coaching call. We were discussing the need to take care of our mind and body. One attendee explained it beautifully when she said, ...

Caryn G | 10th August 2022 | Brutal Truths For The Sober Curious, Self-Improvement

I can’t live without you. You are always there for me. Whenever I’m feeling down, you are always there by my side. When I’m feeling anxious and worried, you comfort me and when I’m happy you’re there to celebrate with me. I’m so lucky to have you in my life. I am blessed to be living in such a fairy tale. Hello. Wake up! Don’t you know that fairy tales always have a villain? If you’re reading this, you’re probably in a relationship with alcohol. Chances are it’s not going to end well. Alcohol always wins and we always lose. It might take a pound of flesh, your money, your family, your life. The only thing for sure is there’s no happy ending in sight. Living in a Fairy tale? For many of us, alcohol is like a bad lover out of a Grimms’ fairy tale. A relationship that starts so innocently but inevitably turns into a waking nightmare. Slowly but surely, we discover that alcohol is not our twin flame, the light of our life, the rock that supports us and stands by us through thick and thin. Instead, we’ve been seduced by a wolf masquerading in sheep’s clothing. The malevolent one hiding in plain sight slowly but surely devouring us from the inside out. The more time we spend with them, the more we need them. We find ourselves longing for their company. We want them at lunch; we want them after a stressful day at work; we want them when we have dinner or when we watch tv and we want one last brief encounter before we go to sleep. And, some of us want a cheeky one in the morning too! Days, months and years go past. Until one day we start to notice we no longer enjoy their company as much. Sometimes we regret being with them. They drag us down and make us feel bad about ourselves. We notice our head hurts more often after we’ve been with them. We’re too tired to get up in the morning because we sleep less soundly. Our weight has increased and our health has decreased. We’re not always there at work and sometimes we let our family &...

Caryn G | 08th August 2022 | Strategies To Quit Drinking, psychology

Have you ever wondered why some people can quit drinking easily whilst for others it seems impossible?   There is a lot of debate surrounding the topic of alcohol addiction and whether it should be classified as a disease. Some people believe that alcoholism is a result of genetics or other outside factors, while others insist that it is a choice that individuals make. What if it’s neither? What if you’ve been conditioned and brainwashed into drinking and the only way you can stop or cut down is if you change your programming? I know many of you are thinking I am some sort of nutter right now. But hear me out. In this article, we will explore both sides of the argument and come to our own conclusion on the matter. Alcoholism is a very real and serious problem. It can lead to financial ruin, job loss, relationship problems, and even death. However, just because something is a serious problem does it mean that it should be classified as a disease? There are studies supporting both viewpoints. The general definition of alcoholism also known as alcohol addiction, is a chronic disease of the brain that’s characterised by compulsive decision-making, impulsive behaviour and relapse. It’s triggered by genetic and environmental factors, and it causes biological changes in the brain that make abstaining from alcohol nearly impossible without medical treatment. Medical Intervention If you think of Alcohol Addiction as a disease and accept the definition, then most people will tell you that the only way to get rid of or cure this condition is by going through doctors and drug companies. This is a big win for drug companies who stand to make a lot of money from treating alcoholism and alcohol-related problems. I wrote a short article on 3 unconventional approaches which you can read here. According to the WHO, there are 3.3 million alcohol-related deaths worldwide as well as a significant impact on the disabilities and poor health of millions of people....

Caryn G | 21st July 2022 | Brutal Truths For The Sober Curious, psychology & Mental health

Self-medicating with alcohol? When we feel like life is shit, the easy thing to do is reach for a drink. Just one glass and all our troubles will disappear. Alcohol, our saviour.   Except it isn’t. If you’re reading this, there is a part of you that wants to change your toxic relationship to drink. Intuitively, you know that there is a better way and that you need to wake up because alcohol is not going to change your life for the better.   Face it! Accept it and then take steps to change it.   First things first, when life is crap and it’s not where we want it to be, we have to accept that no amount of beer, wine or whisky is going to change that. Only you can. Self-medicating with alcohol will hurt you more than it will help.   hen you are drinking, you are only focused on the drink. You don’t care about anything else. You don’t care about your health, your family, or your future. All you care about is getting that next drink, getting high or forgetting about your problems.   The fact that we are the source of our own problems is something that we drinkers overlook.   As an ex-drinker and daughter of an alcoholic, I’ve had decades of experience with alcohol. As an ex-drinker, I know that most of us are able to ignore the fact that alcohol has helped turn us into an emotional retard that is unable to process & manage emotions.   This is all perfectly understandable given the drinking culture we are born into. But just because something is understandable doesn’t make it right.   Feeling happy? Celebrate with a drink. Problems at work? Forget about them with a drink. eeling bored? Get over it with a drink.   Sooner or later, you have to decide you are ready to stop hiding from your fears & failures, make a change for the better, and face the monster under the bed. You can stop self-medicating     When we have made that decision, we can take a step towards a brighter future. If you want to quit or reduce yo...

Caryn G | 15th July 2022 | Strategies To Quit Drinking, Self-Improvement

You want to kick alcohol, but it's just not that easy.    The problem is alcohol has become a regular part of life.    Whether it’s a couple of drinks with friends or a few beers while watching the game, alcohol is often seen as a harmless way to relax and have a good time. Until 1 year, 26 days and 11 hours ago, I was one of those people who thought alcohol was a good way to relax. However, for some people, drinking is a serious problem. And, if you’re reading this, the chances are some part of you knows that you need to make some life changes and better choices when it comes to drinking. When we’re struggling with alcoholism, quitting drinking may seem impossible. The chances are you’ve tried limiting the number of drinks you have or quit for an hour, a day, a week, only to go straight back to our old ways. All of which can really make us feel like a loser. Once a loser, always a loser? Wrong! It is possible to break the cycle of addiction and regain control of your life. I’ve done it and so have some of my friends. We each had a different journey, but we are all healthier, happier and wealthier because of it. It’s important to remember that when it comes to quitting the booze, there is no one size fits all. What worked for me may not work for you. You may find it hard, you may find it easy. Only you can judge because it’s your journey. The important thing is to keep going. If one method doesn’t work, don’t get discouraged. Try another until you find the perfect method for you. Remember, you’re not a loser just because one method didn’t work for you. You have simply completed some valuable research. Learn from it, tweak it and try again either with a new approach or a refined method. To help you on your way, here are 3 of the more unconventional methods you can research to help you quit drinking and stay sober. Permanent Reminder Consider a Tattoo. This may sound a bit extreme, but let’s face it: having a constant in your...

Caryn G | 27th June 2022 | Life After Alcohol, Relationships

Hindsight is said to be 20/20 for a reason. Once we have time to look back on a situation, we often see things that we previously missed. This can be especially true when it comes to quitting drinking. Only when we quit can we look back and see how we were behaving like a victim. We often don’t realise we have signed up to play a victim’s role in life. We prefer to think of ourselves in the leading role. The hero battling against the terrible injustices that fate and life throw at us. Bravely dealing with our badges of pain. When we are caught up in the throes of addiction, it can be difficult to see just how much our drinking is impacting our lives. We can’t see the impact because alcohol blinds us and numbs our senses. We know it’s dark outside, but we would rather stay buried deep in the rabbit hole than face the scary monsters outside. Yes, alcohol dulls the pain, but it also dumbs down everything else. The Emotionally Unavailable Lover Only when we look back can we understand that we fell for the wrong lover. The one that played hard to get and was emotionally unavailable to us. You know what I’m talking about. We love them, but they never love us back. We want them and desire them. We give them everything. Our money, our time, our freedom. We obsess over them. We don’t really love them or like them but we want them and want is a stronger motivator than like. We need to be noticed and loved and wanted back. But this is something the emotionally unavailable lover will never do. The truth is, no one can love us back until we first love ourselves. Being A Victim You may not even realise that you are acting like a victim. Those who suffer from alcoholism often act like victims or consciously see themselves as victims, its referred to as victimism  or having a victim-mindset. I didn’t realise I had been acting like a victim until I had the gift of hindsight and started to observe others who liked to drink or were trying hard to quit....

Caryn G | 18th June 2022 | Life After Alcohol, Self-Improvement

Never drinking & staying sober is a skill. No one ever tells you the real truth about drinking when you’re young. There isn’t a class in high school, college or university where a professor stands up and says, “Understand this one big point: learning about alcohol is vital if you want to be a success in life. Everything important you do in life requires research. What university to go to? What job? What shirt goes with what jeans? What’s the best phone? So doesn’t it make sense to research alcohol first?” Instead, alcohol remains this massive unknown in most people’s everyday life. They don’t know how to control it. They don’t know how to secretly drink more of it. They don’t know how long it will be before they can’t function at work. They don’t know how to get more money to spend on it. They don’t know how to give it up. They don’t know how to live without it. And that’s a massive problem for anyone to live with. 11 months, 25 days and 13 hours ago, I gave up drinking. I did this because I wanted to but also to support my friend, who was having a hard time giving up. Not for the first time, I made up my mind to quit. But this time I asked a Wildfit coach for help and he suggested the book by Annie Grace, This Naked Mind (I highly recommend this). It turned out that making a concrete decision, taking positive action and having a non-drinking friend were exactly the 3 things I needed to get started successfully. I would later discover that getting started wasn’t the hard thing. As time ticked by, I realised that I needed a foundation of knowledge and strategies to put in place. Which is what I’d like to share with you today. Knowledge is power which is why I'd like to share three important points that will help you navigate giving up alcohol. The quicker you understand these points and plan for them, the easier it will be for you to stay sober. 1. Alcohol Endings and Sober Beginnings One of the first thing...

Caryn G | 04th June 2022 | Life After Alcohol, psychology & Mental health

If you’re thinking about giving up alcohol, or have already done so, then congratulations! It’s definitely not an easy feat, but it’s so worth it in the end. I can say that with conviction because according to my app, I gave up drinking 11 months, 21 days and 16 hours ago. Just to put this into context, my drinking career spanned over four decades, so I think it’s fair to say drinking was a well-established habit. As F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.” I had tried and failed to give up in the past so I was surprised at how easy I found it this time. But here I am, happy, healthy and alcohol-free. When you give up alcohol, there are a few things that you stop doing. Here are 3 of the big ones. Calculating Your Point Of No Return For starters, you no longer have to worry about calculating how much you can drink before getting a hangover. When you are out with friends or work colleagues, it’s difficult to say no to a drink. But if alcohol is your best friend, it’s virtually impossible to say no to another drink, even though you know you have to get up for work the next morning. You may start the evening with good intentions and decide that you are only going to have just “the one” because of work tomorrow. But, by the time you have chugged your first drink, your good intentions have left the building. Before you know what is happening, you hear yourself saying, “I shouldn’t really but go on then.” “Our society not only encourages drinking — it takes issue with people who don’t drink.” Annie Grace Author of This Naked Mind Bye Bye Guilt One of the major benefits of not drinking is that you are suddenly relieved of a massive amount of guilt. When you stop drinking there is nothing to feel guilty about. You don’t have to worry that you embarrassed yourself by drinking too much, or by saying the wrong thing because alcohol made you brave, obnoxio...