Caryn G | 22nd January 2025 | psychology & Mental health

    Ashamed of your drinking habits and feeling like a spectacular failure?   Maybe you’ve tried to quit many times but failed dismally. You’ve promised not to drink, only to cave in as soon as someone suggests a quick one.   Maybe you didn’t need to be persuaded; you drank just to be defiant and bloody-minded and say “f**k it” to the world and all those judging you.   I went down that road many times.    It was a road full of potholes, and I fell in every damn one of them. Until one day, I woke up and knew which way to go. I knew how to avoid the potholes or jump out of them if I needed to.   I would promise not to drink, and then 10 minutes later I had a glass of wine in my hand.    Ashamed of your drinking habits and feeling like a spectacular failure?   Maybe you’ve tried to quit many times but failed dismally. You’ve promised not to drink, only to cave in as soon as someone suggests a quick one.   Maybe you didn’t need to be persuaded; you drank just to be defiant and bloody-minded and say “f**k it” to the world and all those judging you.     I went down that road many times.    It was a road full of potholes, and I fell in every damn one of them. Until one day, I woke up and knew which way to go. I knew how to avoid the potholes or jump out of them if I needed to.   I would promise not to drink, and then 10 minutes later I had a glass of wine in my hand.    Two mouthfuls later and I’d be shaking my head in disbelief and beating myself up for being a bloody-minded idiot and failing spectacularly.   I’ve been sober for over 3 years and although I‘ve kicked alcohol, some of the old loser habits still linger.    Take last night, for example; I know I should cut down on my sugar intake and give cakes and chocolates a wide berth. I thought about all the sugar I was consuming as I stuffed a sweet mince pie in my mouth. Then I thought, “Sod it!” and shovelled in another one.   I didn’t need it, I didn’t want it and It didn’t make me feel good.   I wasn’t happy.    I was just miserable and disappointed in my failure. I felt sad and depressed as I realised I had kicked the drink but the old self-destructive habits still lingered. I was still failing.   Was I addicted to failure? I mused.   Maybe this is you. Maybe you feel like you no longer enjoy drinking; you don’t really want it, but you keep drinking anyway. It’s just what you do.   Or, maybe you’ve quit but you’ve replaced alcohol with ice cream, cakes, chocolates and sweets and now you’re having a hard time quitting them.   So what should you do when you’re addicted to failure?   Understanding the Fear of Failure   The fear of failing can be paralyzing.    At worst, it could prevent you from doing what’s needed to quit drinking altogether.    When we can understand a bit more about the psychology of our fears, we can take one giant step towards conquering them.   Here’s a little insight into why we find it hard to succeed. Past Experiences:  Previous attempts that ended in failure are often used by the subconscious to create negative narratives. We end up talking ourselves out of success and into failure. That nasty little voice in your head kills your chances before you even try by using phrases like these:-   You can’t do it. You always fail. You only lasted 20 minutes last time! What makes you think it will work now?   Your subconscious will use these phrases to convince you it’s useless to try. If this happens to you try flipping the script and ask empowering questions like, “How can I make it work this time?”    Self-Doubt:    Constantly battling negative thoughts about your abilities can undermine your confidence.    When this happens it’s like you lose the will to live. You become so down that it seems pointless to even try and climb out.  As my mum used to say when anything dented he...

Caryn G | 23rd December 2024 | psychology & Mental health

Mulled wine, the sound of clinking glasses, the joyous chatter of family and friends gathered together; this is the Christmas and New Year movie I played in my head for decades.   While many looked forward to indulging in seasonal drinks, I found myself grappling with a growing desire to step away from alcohol — particularly during Christmas and the New Year.    The urge to quit drinking was strong, but the pressure of societal expectations weighed heavily on my shoulders.    My gut was screaming to stop the madness whilst my body yearned to wake up alcohol-free, feeling fresh and relaxed. But, if I stopped drinking at this festive time, wouldn’t it make me the world’s biggest party pooper? The Hangover Cycle   I remember waking up on Boxing Day every Christmas with a heavy head and a mouth like sandpaper.    The memories of the previous night’s revelries often blurred together as I sifted through the detritus of half-hearted attempts to enjoy myself.    Each year, I vowed that this would be the last time I overindulge, yet the allure of festive cheer and the clinking glasses beckoned.    The promise of laughter and merriment twinkled like a shining star in the night. Its brightness eclipsed the reality of hangovers — those grotesque mornings spent nursing a bad gut and bleary eyes.    I was tired of looking in the mirror at someone who was a stranger to me. A person I despised for being weak and pathetic unable to control her drinking. I wanted to be someone else. Someone vibrant and healthy, not perpetually worn down, looking and feeling like it’s an effort to live.   Never Happy After Alcohol?   Beyond the immediate effects of hangovers, I came to realize how alcohol impacted my physical and mental health.    Alcohol wasn’t just a temporary thrill; it wreaked havoc on my gut, disrupting digestion and leading to uncomfortable bloating, I was sure I would explode if someone were to stick a pin in me.    Each drink chipped away at my well-being, leaving me feeling sluggish and unsatisfied.    The late-night snacks and posh dinners that accompanied my festive drinking only amplified my discomfort.    The days following a night out were filled with regret; not just because of the hangover but there was a growing sense of failure and a total disillusionment with my lack of self-discipline.   The relationship I had with alcohol felt increasingly toxic.    I wanted to break free from its chains, but the thought of refusing a drink brought a wave of anxiety that seemed to multiply during Christmas gatherings.    It wasn’t merely the binge drinking that was tugging at my conscience; it was that desperate feeling of wanting to enjoy the festivities while simultaneously wishing to uphold my commitment to sobriety.   Is There A Party Pooper In The Room?   One of the most significant barriers to sobriety during the holidays is the fear of judgment from others.    Christmas celebrations are inherently social, and alcohol is the lubricant that keeps the wheels of this societal fun turning.    When I first quit, I worried that refusing a drink would lead to embarrassing questions or accusations of being a spoilsport.    I had to face the wrath of the drinkers who could smell my vulnerability and susceptibility to alcohol. Comments like, “Oh, come on! Just have one!” or “You’re no fun anymore!” rang in my ears and if I’m honest, they hurt. I felt like I was an outsider and I didn’t belong.   The thought of disappointing friends and family is daunting. I didn’t want to be that person who ruined the good times for everyone else, I didn’t want to be a party pooper.    I had spent years learning how to fit into society and drink with the best of them, yet I knew that true fun shouldn’t revolve around alcohol.    I’d witnessed my close friends’ reactions to others declining drinks — those confused lo...

Caryn G | 28th August 2024 | psychology & Mental health

You might think that the hardest part of quitting is missing alcohol. You would be wrong! There’s a dark side to being sober that people rarely talk about. The truth is, it can be uncomfortable being sober. There are all sorts of shadows lingering in the darkness waiting for you when you finally get sober. But it’s ok because if you were strong enough to decide to get sober, you’re strong enough to deal with the shadows. After all, everyone needs a hero’s journey because without one there is no happily ever after. “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”― Joseph Campbell There are some dark shadows on the road to lasting sobriety. They’re not easy to deal with but that’s ok because facing them is easier and better than waking up every day feeling guilty because you broke your promise not to drink. It’s better than looking like you’ve been hit by a sledgehammer. Or worse still, wondering when it would be a reasonable hour to have a quick snifter or the hair of the dog. The Shadow of Grief The first shadow you’re going to have to deal with is the loss of your best friend. No, actually I’m wrong. The first uncomfortable truth is realising that alcohol was your best friend! That’s just not an easy truth to swallow. It can be shocking to discover that the only genuine attachment you have developed in your entire life is an attachment to alcohol. Booze, the only thing in your life that you loved and liked. Hell, you don’t even like or respect yourself because if you did, there is no way you would abuse your body, neglect your health or feed your soul with the rotting breadcrumbs of a life badly lived. When you realise that you no longer have a best friend, you’re going to experience feelings of grief. I want to be transparent here, because I believe if you know what to expect, then it’s less scary. You are going to realise just how big a deal alcohol was in your life. Not being able to drink or go out boozing is going to create a huge void which you will have to fill. You will feel like you have lost a loved one and for some of you it will hurt like hell. The good news is now that you are no longer a slave to alcohol, you get to choose what and who you fill that void with. This is harder than it sounds, so start with yourself. Make an effort to love yourself, rethink your values and create a better you. To give you some context, since I quit drinking alcohol I have started running, and I have taken myself from the couch to 5k. I’ve set up a niche website and learnt new skills and I’ve made an effort to stay connected to people who I want to be around. Not people who just happen to be in a bar and who also like drinking. Life get’s better without alcohol. Much, much better! The Shadow Of Stunted Growth Once the alcoholic haze has lifted and you realise that you can no longer rely on alcohol to numb the pain or help you make stupid, irrational emotional decisions. You’re left with only one option: face your problems and feel all sorts of negative emotions in their true, raw form. Indecision, confusion, fear, hate, anger. For the first time in your life, you are going to understand that you are an emotional retard who has never learnt the skills needed to deal with life without alcohol. But like everything on this journey, there is a massive upside. In this case, it’s the chance to rebuild your life. You get a chance to make better decisions, to learn new supporting skills, and to learn how to navigate confusion and uncertainty. Making better decisions is a skill, negotiating pain is a skill. All it takes is a little guidance and a bit of patience. The Shadow of The Reckoning Once your mind and body are at peace and your subconscious figures out you are stable, it’s going to start bringing up past traumas. I won’t lie. This can be quite a shock when it starts to happen. Both my friend and I went through this at the same time, so we were able to ...

Caryn G | 04th June 2022 | psychology & Mental health

If you’re thinking about giving up alcohol, or have already done so, then congratulations! It’s definitely not an easy feat, but it’s so worth it in the end. I can say that with conviction because according to my app, I gave up drinking 11 months, 21 days and 16 hours ago. Just to put this into context, my drinking career spanned over four decades, so I think it’s fair to say drinking was a well-established habit. As F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.” I had tried and failed to give up in the past so I was surprised at how easy I found it this time. But here I am, happy, healthy and alcohol-free. When you give up alcohol, there are a few things that you stop doing. Here are 3 of the big ones. Calculating Your Point Of No Return For starters, you no longer have to worry about calculating how much you can drink before getting a hangover. When you are out with friends or work colleagues, it’s difficult to say no to a drink. But if alcohol is your best friend, it’s virtually impossible to say no to another drink, even though you know you have to get up for work the next morning. You may start the evening with good intentions and decide that you are only going to have just “the one” because of work tomorrow. But, by the time you have chugged your first drink, your good intentions have left the building. Before you know what is happening, you hear yourself saying, “I shouldn’t really but go on then.” “Our society not only encourages drinking — it takes issue with people who don’t drink.” Annie Grace Author of This Naked Mind Bye Bye Guilt One of the major benefits of not drinking is that you are suddenly relieved of a massive amount of guilt. When you stop drinking there is nothing to feel guilty about. You don’t have to worry that you embarrassed yourself by drinking too much, or by saying the wrong thing because alcohol made you brave, obnoxious, or just plain stupid. “Alcohol erases a bit of you every time you drink it. It can even erase entire nights when you are on a binge. Alcohol does not relieve stress; it erases your senses and your ability to think. Alcohol ultimately erases your self.”― Annie Grace, This Naked Mind Stockpiling Booze Once alcohol is off the menu you no longer have to wonder if you should take an extra bottle of wine to your friend’s party because three isn’t enough. You don’t have to buy wine in bulk or give that fancy bottle of champagne space in your fridge. Instead, you can make room for the healthy stuff, the things that help you thrive instead of just surviving. When you love alcohol, it creates a lack-mindset because there is never enough. The desire to drink even when you have clearly had enough and poisoned your system is overwhelming. One drink, one bottle just isn’t enough. When you are constantly saying I need more, your subconscious hears I am not enough. No one ever developed high self-esteem whilst simultaneously smashing it to death with a bottle. Staying On the Wagon If you’re struggling to stay on the wagon, here are a few things that might help: Find a hobby: When you’re not drinking, you might find you have a lot of free time on your hands. This is the perfect opportunity to pick up a new hobby or rediscover an old one. From painting to hiking to cooking, there are endless possibilities! It may take time for your imagination to kick in but trust me, give it time and it will. Staying on the wagon will get a lot easier when you give yourself new things to think about. Hang out with sober friends: It can be difficult to be around people who are drinking when you’re trying to stay on the wagon. That’s why it’s important to have sober friends that you can rely on for support. Stay busy: One of the best ways to avoid temptation and stay on the wagon is to keep yourself busy. Whether taking up a new hobby or staying extra busy at...

Caryn G | 01st December 2022 | psychology

You don’t know you’re fighting for your life because you’re an idiot and you’ve lost the ability to see what a complete and total loser you have become.   You think you’re just fighting for another drink because that’s the only movie playing in your head.   There’s a bloody loud voice that’s screaming insistently in brutally blunt language “Drink!” “I want a drink!” “Will somebody please just give me a f*****ing drink!”   Too sad. You chose to ignore reality and the giant warning signs along the path to the bottle of booze AKA poison. You forgot to read the small print that said, 100% guaranteed “End Your Life Hack.”   Come on, let’s get honest here.   You did ignore them, didn’t you?   You chose to get drunk. You chose to have a hangover, you chose to wash, rinse and repeat and to become an alcoholic. Ttatty   Was that a little harsh?   I don’t think it was. I don’t think it was harsh enough.   What I really should have said was wake up, you bloody idiot! What the hell are you doing to yourself?   You are choosing alcohol over life. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, good about what you are doing.   Sliding into that bottle every night is just a lack of imagination on your part and a huge act of cowardice!   Wake up and grow a pair of balls for god’s sake. Develop the self-care skills you need to change your life and deal with problems in a way that doesn’t kill you and poison the lives of everyone around you.   Stop telling yourself that your life sucks. Get out of the cage of fear and get some real help and real support. Find some people you can trust. People who don’t drink and who can see the world from a different perspective.   Your Friends Suck   Don’t hang around with the enablers. The people who are drinkers. Drinkers can’t give you any guidance. They drink for god’s sake!   They can’t be honest with you because they don’t want to be honest with themselves. This is the brutal reality.   You can’t trust them. They can’t tell you that you are drinking too much because then they would have to question their own drinking habits.   They have a secret, vested interest in keeping you a drinker. It makes them feel better about themselves and their habits. They can only be superior if there is someone below them. You are that someone! The dirt beneath their feet.   You make them feel normal and superior.   They don’t want you to change because then they would have to look at their own drinking habits and no one wants to do that! use this mindset shift if you want to quit drinking The Alcohol Ladder   Whether you like it or not, life is all about hierarchies.   Other drinkers need you to have a drink problem. Hell, they secretly want you to have a big drink problem so they can maintain a higher position on the ladder.   They need alcoholics so that they can distinguish themselves and pretend they don’t have a problem with alcohol.   That’s why all drinkers need the dirty, smelly guys in the streets clutching their sad little bottle; the only cold comfort they have to stave off the harsh realities of life.   The down and outs — God bless ’em. How we love them for being in the gutter and clutching their bottle of strong liquid meths. How superior they make us feel.   They keep the whole damn pyramid scheme  propped up.   If it wasn’t for them, the heavy drinkers and the binge drinkers would have no one to look down on and everything would get a little more scary, a little more nasty and a little more real.   So take a good long look at the person in the mirror.   Then take a deep breath, thank them for all the valuable lessons they have taught you and then say goodbye to them because you’ve got work to do and it means you have to kick alcohol into touch.   Walk away, pick up your pen and paper and write these ...

Caryn G | 21st August 2022 | psychology

You are the dumbest, smartest person you know. And when you quit drinking, you are going to realise just how dumb you have been. You’re going to realise what a complete and total moron you were for opening the door to alcohol. You might think this is a bit harsh. It’s not. The truth is once you quit drinking, reality is going to come knocking on your door and you’re going to have to face it. It won’t be easy. Your Drinking Life Revealed You’ll have to take a long, hard look at how you got where you are now. Some of you won’t want to do it because you know deep in your heart that it won’t be pretty. Trust me, I know I’ve been there and there’s a damn good reason they call it the ugly truth. If you want to move forward, you need to take a long, cool look at your past. It’s the only way to learn and grow. So take a moment and sit down to think about the choices you have made about alcohol and then make a list. What you discover will shock you & upset you as you write things like: Wasted a shed-load of money. Hell, I could’ve bought a house by now. Lost my memory when I blacked out. Had hundreds of conversations about things I couldn’t remember the next day. Said countless things I shouldn’t have. Drank so much that I damaged my body and needed to take time off work. Loved alcohol more than I loved myself. Prioritised booze instead of my life. Didn’t perform well at my job. Played small when I should’ve played big. This is not an inclusive list. Once you get started you will find it grows as you finally get honest with yourself and confess those deep dark drinking secrets. The Emotional Roller Coaster When you start to realise how alcohol screwed up your life, you’re going to feel angry. You’re going to feel mad at yourself for not quitting sooner. You’re going to feel so bloody angry that you lost so much of your life to some goddamn crappy, poisonous, chemical concoction that society conditioned you to believe was glamorous and necessary. That’s ok. Feel that anger. Really experience it and then do something you probably haven’t done before. Forgive yourself for not being the person you wanted to be. Put the old you firmly in the past and welcome the new you. Let the anger go and start to build a new, better future. It’s going to be emotional.   Freedom From Alcohol No one wants to see how badly they have screwed up, but you got this. You’re a different person now, with a new perspective and a new life, and you have one thing you never had before. Freedom. When you quit drinking, you gain freedom of choice. You can choose what you put into your body. You are no longer a slave to alcohol. And because you don’t need booze, you don’t need all those unhealthy snacks you used to eat to soak up the drink. It’s not only your body that’s going to get healthier. Your emotions are going to stabilise, you’re going to feel more in control of your life and even better news your bank balance is going to improve too. Let your anger work for you, so you can move forward and create a better, brighter future. You can’t change the past, but you do have the freedom to design your new alcohol-free life. Start by taking a look at that list you made. Where you were playing small, take decisive action, be bold and play big. If you’ve let people down in the past, make a conscious effort to show up and keep your word. Respect yourself and respect your body. Focus on the change you want to be, understand that you may be a victim of the alcohol culture but also know it’s your responsibility to fix it. If it gets too much, reach out for help and everything else will flow from there.   Live Strong, Love and Be sober Join the Sober Revolution and Sign Up HERE       for more Quit Lit. Searching for more Quit Lit to help you quit drinking, be sober and enjoy sober living? Check out these popular articles on quit lit. 1 thing you notice once you sto...

Caryn G | 10th August 2022 | Self-Improvement

I can’t live without you. You are always there for me. Whenever I’m feeling down, you are always there by my side. When I’m feeling anxious and worried, you comfort me and when I’m happy you’re there to celebrate with me. I’m so lucky to have you in my life. I am blessed to be living in such a fairy tale. Hello. Wake up! Don’t you know that fairy tales always have a villain? If you’re reading this, you’re probably in a relationship with alcohol. Chances are it’s not going to end well. Alcohol always wins and we always lose. It might take a pound of flesh, your money, your family, your life. The only thing for sure is there’s no happy ending in sight. Living in a Fairy tale? For many of us, alcohol is like a bad lover out of a Grimms’ fairy tale. A relationship that starts so innocently but inevitably turns into a waking nightmare. Slowly but surely, we discover that alcohol is not our twin flame, the light of our life, the rock that supports us and stands by us through thick and thin. Instead, we’ve been seduced by a wolf masquerading in sheep’s clothing. The malevolent one hiding in plain sight slowly but surely devouring us from the inside out. The more time we spend with them, the more we need them. We find ourselves longing for their company. We want them at lunch; we want them after a stressful day at work; we want them when we have dinner or when we watch tv and we want one last brief encounter before we go to sleep. And, some of us want a cheeky one in the morning too! Days, months and years go past. Until one day we start to notice we no longer enjoy their company as much. Sometimes we regret being with them. They drag us down and make us feel bad about ourselves. We notice our head hurts more often after we’ve been with them. We’re too tired to get up in the morning because we sleep less soundly. Our weight has increased and our health has decreased. We’re not always there at work and sometimes we let our family & friends down because we prioritised our lover alcohol over and above everyone and everything else. Our dreams of making it have long since been abandoned and our life is full of drama of the wrong kind.   The Spell Is Broken When the fog clears, we realise too late just how much power we have given to our bad, bad lover. We are no longer the master of our own ship. They are. Everything we do revolves around them. Even though the love has gone, we just can’t seem to kick them into touch. Anyone who’s ever had a bad lover will know that sometimes it’s just so goddamn hard to break the spell. Alcohol is like the Tinder Swindler of the dating world. It’s gonna seduce you and take your money, mind, body and soul and leave you heartbroken. They’re going to walk away once they’ve had their way and leave you crying in the gutter. Important Questions Don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed or guilty if you’ve climbed into bed with the wrong lover. Feel glad that you have finally found them out. If you’re really not convinced if they are good or bad, ask yourself these questions: I know what I can do with a bad lover. But do I actually know how far I can go and what I can be without them? Creating A New Story There was a time when alcohol was my lover. I could say that sometimes he was a good lover, but that would just be my pride talking and my shame and embarrassment hiding. He was never a good lover. He kept me playing small; he stopped me from growing. He stopped me from learning how to process and deal with emotions, but most of all, he led me to make some incredibly stupid and ill informed choices. But I’m not bitter. He was a bad lover but a good teacher and without him I wouldn’t be able to show up here and help you kick your bad lover out of your bed. To kick their sorry ass into the gutter so you can grow, and be stronger and better than ever before. Now I have a new lover. Do you want to know who it is? It’s me! Self love is ...