Caryn G | 22nd January 2025 | psychology & Mental health

    Ashamed of your drinking habits and feeling like a spectacular failure?   Maybe you’ve tried to quit many times but failed dismally. You’ve promised not to drink, only to cave in as soon as someone suggests a quick one.   Maybe you didn’t need to be persuaded; you drank just to be defiant and bloody-minded and say “f**k it” to the world and all those judging you.   I went down that road many times.    It was a road full of potholes, and I fell in every damn one of them. Until one day, I woke up and knew which way to go. I knew how to avoid the potholes or jump out of them if I needed to.   I would promise not to drink, and then 10 minutes later I had a glass of wine in my hand.    Ashamed of your drinking habits and feeling like a spectacular failure?   Maybe you’ve tried to quit many times but failed dismally. You’ve promised not to drink, only to cave in as soon as someone suggests a quick one.   Maybe you didn’t need to be persuaded; you drank just to be defiant and bloody-minded and say “f**k it” to the world and all those judging you.     I went down that road many times.    It was a road full of potholes, and I fell in every damn one of them. Until one day, I woke up and knew which way to go. I knew how to avoid the potholes or jump out of them if I needed to.   I would promise not to drink, and then 10 minutes later I had a glass of wine in my hand.    Two mouthfuls later and I’d be shaking my head in disbelief and beating myself up for being a bloody-minded idiot and failing spectacularly.   I’ve been sober for over 3 years and although I‘ve kicked alcohol, some of the old loser habits still linger.    Take last night, for example; I know I should cut down on my sugar intake and give cakes and chocolates a wide berth. I thought about all the sugar I was consuming as I stuffed a sweet mince pie in my mouth. Then I thought, “Sod it!” and shovelled in another one.   I didn’t need it, I didn’t want it and It didn’t make me feel good.   I wasn’t happy.    I was just miserable and disappointed in my failure. I felt sad and depressed as I realised I had kicked the drink but the old self-destructive habits still lingered. I was still failing.   Was I addicted to failure? I mused.   Maybe this is you. Maybe you feel like you no longer enjoy drinking; you don’t really want it, but you keep drinking anyway. It’s just what you do.   Or, maybe you’ve quit but you’ve replaced alcohol with ice cream, cakes, chocolates and sweets and now you’re having a hard time quitting them.   So what should you do when you’re addicted to failure?   Understanding the Fear of Failure   The fear of failing can be paralyzing.    At worst, it could prevent you from doing what’s needed to quit drinking altogether.    When we can understand a bit more about the psychology of our fears, we can take one giant step towards conquering them.   Here’s a little insight into why we find it hard to succeed. Past Experiences:  Previous attempts that ended in failure are often used by the subconscious to create negative narratives. We end up talking ourselves out of success and into failure. That nasty little voice in your head kills your chances before you even try by using phrases like these:-   You can’t do it. You always fail. You only lasted 20 minutes last time! What makes you think it will work now?   Your subconscious will use these phrases to convince you it’s useless to try. If this happens to you try flipping the script and ask empowering questions like, “How can I make it work this time?”    Self-Doubt:    Constantly battling negative thoughts about your abilities can undermine your confidence.    When this happens it’s like you lose the will to live. You become so down that it seems pointless to even try and climb out.  As my mum used to say when anything dented he...

Caryn G | 23rd December 2024 | psychology & Mental health

Mulled wine, the sound of clinking glasses, the joyous chatter of family and friends gathered together; this is the Christmas and New Year movie I played in my head for decades.   While many looked forward to indulging in seasonal drinks, I found myself grappling with a growing desire to step away from alcohol — particularly during Christmas and the New Year.    The urge to quit drinking was strong, but the pressure of societal expectations weighed heavily on my shoulders.    My gut was screaming to stop the madness whilst my body yearned to wake up alcohol-free, feeling fresh and relaxed. But, if I stopped drinking at this festive time, wouldn’t it make me the world’s biggest party pooper? The Hangover Cycle   I remember waking up on Boxing Day every Christmas with a heavy head and a mouth like sandpaper.    The memories of the previous night’s revelries often blurred together as I sifted through the detritus of half-hearted attempts to enjoy myself.    Each year, I vowed that this would be the last time I overindulge, yet the allure of festive cheer and the clinking glasses beckoned.    The promise of laughter and merriment twinkled like a shining star in the night. Its brightness eclipsed the reality of hangovers — those grotesque mornings spent nursing a bad gut and bleary eyes.    I was tired of looking in the mirror at someone who was a stranger to me. A person I despised for being weak and pathetic unable to control her drinking. I wanted to be someone else. Someone vibrant and healthy, not perpetually worn down, looking and feeling like it’s an effort to live.   Never Happy After Alcohol?   Beyond the immediate effects of hangovers, I came to realize how alcohol impacted my physical and mental health.    Alcohol wasn’t just a temporary thrill; it wreaked havoc on my gut, disrupting digestion and leading to uncomfortable bloating, I was sure I would explode if someone were to stick a pin in me.    Each drink chipped away at my well-being, leaving me feeling sluggish and unsatisfied.    The late-night snacks and posh dinners that accompanied my festive drinking only amplified my discomfort.    The days following a night out were filled with regret; not just because of the hangover but there was a growing sense of failure and a total disillusionment with my lack of self-discipline.   The relationship I had with alcohol felt increasingly toxic.    I wanted to break free from its chains, but the thought of refusing a drink brought a wave of anxiety that seemed to multiply during Christmas gatherings.    It wasn’t merely the binge drinking that was tugging at my conscience; it was that desperate feeling of wanting to enjoy the festivities while simultaneously wishing to uphold my commitment to sobriety.   Is There A Party Pooper In The Room?   One of the most significant barriers to sobriety during the holidays is the fear of judgment from others.    Christmas celebrations are inherently social, and alcohol is the lubricant that keeps the wheels of this societal fun turning.    When I first quit, I worried that refusing a drink would lead to embarrassing questions or accusations of being a spoilsport.    I had to face the wrath of the drinkers who could smell my vulnerability and susceptibility to alcohol. Comments like, “Oh, come on! Just have one!” or “You’re no fun anymore!” rang in my ears and if I’m honest, they hurt. I felt like I was an outsider and I didn’t belong.   The thought of disappointing friends and family is daunting. I didn’t want to be that person who ruined the good times for everyone else, I didn’t want to be a party pooper.    I had spent years learning how to fit into society and drink with the best of them, yet I knew that true fun shouldn’t revolve around alcohol.    I’d witnessed my close friends’ reactions to others declining drinks — those confused lo...

Caryn G | 21st July 2022 | psychology & Mental health

Self-medicating with alcohol? When we feel like life is shit, the easy thing to do is reach for a drink. Just one glass and all our troubles will disappear. Alcohol, our saviour.   Except it isn’t. If you’re reading this, there is a part of you that wants to change your toxic relationship to drink. Intuitively, you know that there is a better way and that you need to wake up because alcohol is not going to change your life for the better.   Face it! Accept it and then take steps to change it.   First things first, when life is crap and it’s not where we want it to be, we have to accept that no amount of beer, wine or whisky is going to change that. Only you can. Self-medicating with alcohol will hurt you more than it will help.   hen you are drinking, you are only focused on the drink. You don’t care about anything else. You don’t care about your health, your family, or your future. All you care about is getting that next drink, getting high or forgetting about your problems.   The fact that we are the source of our own problems is something that we drinkers overlook.   As an ex-drinker and daughter of an alcoholic, I’ve had decades of experience with alcohol. As an ex-drinker, I know that most of us are able to ignore the fact that alcohol has helped turn us into an emotional retard that is unable to process & manage emotions.   This is all perfectly understandable given the drinking culture we are born into. But just because something is understandable doesn’t make it right.   Feeling happy? Celebrate with a drink. Problems at work? Forget about them with a drink. eeling bored? Get over it with a drink.   Sooner or later, you have to decide you are ready to stop hiding from your fears & failures, make a change for the better, and face the monster under the bed. You can stop self-medicating     When we have made that decision, we can take a step towards a brighter future. If you want to quit or reduce your alcohol intake, there are 3 important areas to invest your time and energy developing. A Shoulder to Cry On Birds of a feather flock together. Take a look around at the people you are choosing to hang out with. Do they drink the same or more than you? In both cases, you need to get a new support system. We can’t rely on the people who drink the same as us for support because they won’t or can’t see drinking as a problem. We can’t ask anyone who drinks more than us because by saying our drinking is out of control, we are also implying they are an alcoholic. Whilst it may be true, they probably don’t want to hear it.   One of the most important things you need to do when quitting drinking is to change your support system.   If your current support system consists of other drinkers, then it’s time to find new friends who don’t drink. These new friends can help you stay on track, provide a different outlook on life, and achieve sobriety. They will be there for you when you’re struggling and want to give up. They will never encourage you to have a drink to get over your problems because that’s not how they solve their problems. New Horizons In addition to changing your support system, you also need to find a new direction for your life, which means getting guidance. We often discuss our problems with other drinkers who are really in no position to give us guidance on how to quit or reduce the booze or how to change our lives and make better decisions.   Many of us who drink have simply lost the ability or never had the ability to make good decisions and life choices, especially when it comes to emotional decisions.   As drinkers, we rarely take the time to figure out what to do with our emotions.   For most of us, we have sought guidance from alcohol. We say things like, I can’t decide now. I’ll have a drink and think about it. Except, we don’t think about it.   We drown our emotions with alcohol or react inappropria...

Caryn G | 04th June 2022 | psychology & Mental health

If you’re thinking about giving up alcohol, or have already done so, then congratulations! It’s definitely not an easy feat, but it’s so worth it in the end. I can say that with conviction because according to my app, I gave up drinking 11 months, 21 days and 16 hours ago. Just to put this into context, my drinking career spanned over four decades, so I think it’s fair to say drinking was a well-established habit. As F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.” I had tried and failed to give up in the past so I was surprised at how easy I found it this time. But here I am, happy, healthy and alcohol-free. When you give up alcohol, there are a few things that you stop doing. Here are 3 of the big ones. Calculating Your Point Of No Return For starters, you no longer have to worry about calculating how much you can drink before getting a hangover. When you are out with friends or work colleagues, it’s difficult to say no to a drink. But if alcohol is your best friend, it’s virtually impossible to say no to another drink, even though you know you have to get up for work the next morning. You may start the evening with good intentions and decide that you are only going to have just “the one” because of work tomorrow. But, by the time you have chugged your first drink, your good intentions have left the building. Before you know what is happening, you hear yourself saying, “I shouldn’t really but go on then.” “Our society not only encourages drinking — it takes issue with people who don’t drink.” Annie Grace Author of This Naked Mind Bye Bye Guilt One of the major benefits of not drinking is that you are suddenly relieved of a massive amount of guilt. When you stop drinking there is nothing to feel guilty about. You don’t have to worry that you embarrassed yourself by drinking too much, or by saying the wrong thing because alcohol made you brave, obnoxious, or just plain stupid. “Alcohol erases a bit of you every time you drink it. It can even erase entire nights when you are on a binge. Alcohol does not relieve stress; it erases your senses and your ability to think. Alcohol ultimately erases your self.”― Annie Grace, This Naked Mind Stockpiling Booze Once alcohol is off the menu you no longer have to wonder if you should take an extra bottle of wine to your friend’s party because three isn’t enough. You don’t have to buy wine in bulk or give that fancy bottle of champagne space in your fridge. Instead, you can make room for the healthy stuff, the things that help you thrive instead of just surviving. When you love alcohol, it creates a lack-mindset because there is never enough. The desire to drink even when you have clearly had enough and poisoned your system is overwhelming. One drink, one bottle just isn’t enough. When you are constantly saying I need more, your subconscious hears I am not enough. No one ever developed high self-esteem whilst simultaneously smashing it to death with a bottle. Staying On the Wagon If you’re struggling to stay on the wagon, here are a few things that might help: Find a hobby: When you’re not drinking, you might find you have a lot of free time on your hands. This is the perfect opportunity to pick up a new hobby or rediscover an old one. From painting to hiking to cooking, there are endless possibilities! It may take time for your imagination to kick in but trust me, give it time and it will. Staying on the wagon will get a lot easier when you give yourself new things to think about. Hang out with sober friends: It can be difficult to be around people who are drinking when you’re trying to stay on the wagon. That’s why it’s important to have sober friends that you can rely on for support. Stay busy: One of the best ways to avoid temptation and stay on the wagon is to keep yourself busy. Whether taking up a new hobby or staying extra busy at...

Caryn G | 23rd December 2024 | psychology & Mental health

Mulled wine, the sound of clinking glasses, the joyous chatter of family and friends gathered together; this is the Christmas and New Year movie I played in my head for decades.   While many looked forward to indulging in seasonal drinks, I found myself grappling with a growing desire to step away from alcohol — particularly during Christmas and the New Year.    The urge to quit drinking was strong, but the pressure of societal expectations weighed heavily on my shoulders.    My gut was screaming to stop the madness whilst my body yearned to wake up alcohol-free, feeling fresh and relaxed. But, if I stopped drinking at this festive time, wouldn’t it make me the world’s biggest party pooper? The Hangover Cycle   I remember waking up on Boxing Day every Christmas with a heavy head and a mouth like sandpaper.    The memories of the previous night’s revelries often blurred together as I sifted through the detritus of half-hearted attempts to enjoy myself.    Each year, I vowed that this would be the last time I overindulge, yet the allure of festive cheer and the clinking glasses beckoned.    The promise of laughter and merriment twinkled like a shining star in the night. Its brightness eclipsed the reality of hangovers — those grotesque mornings spent nursing a bad gut and bleary eyes.    I was tired of looking in the mirror at someone who was a stranger to me. A person I despised for being weak and pathetic unable to control her drinking. I wanted to be someone else. Someone vibrant and healthy, not perpetually worn down, looking and feeling like it’s an effort to live.   Never Happy After Alcohol?   Beyond the immediate effects of hangovers, I came to realize how alcohol impacted my physical and mental health.    Alcohol wasn’t just a temporary thrill; it wreaked havoc on my gut, disrupting digestion and leading to uncomfortable bloating, I was sure I would explode if someone were to stick a pin in me.    Each drink chipped away at my well-being, leaving me feeling sluggish and unsatisfied.    The late-night snacks and posh dinners that accompanied my festive drinking only amplified my discomfort.    The days following a night out were filled with regret; not just because of the hangover but there was a growing sense of failure and a total disillusionment with my lack of self-discipline.   The relationship I had with alcohol felt increasingly toxic.    I wanted to break free from its chains, but the thought of refusing a drink brought a wave of anxiety that seemed to multiply during Christmas gatherings.    It wasn’t merely the binge drinking that was tugging at my conscience; it was that desperate feeling of wanting to enjoy the festivities while simultaneously wishing to uphold my commitment to sobriety.   Is There A Party Pooper In The Room?   One of the most significant barriers to sobriety during the holidays is the fear of judgment from others.    Christmas celebrations are inherently social, and alcohol is the lubricant that keeps the wheels of this societal fun turning.    When I first quit, I worried that refusing a drink would lead to embarrassing questions or accusations of being a spoilsport.    I had to face the wrath of the drinkers who could smell my vulnerability and susceptibility to alcohol. Comments like, “Oh, come on! Just have one!” or “You’re no fun anymore!” rang in my ears and if I’m honest, they hurt. I felt like I was an outsider and I didn’t belong.   The thought of disappointing friends and family is daunting. I didn’t want to be that person who ruined the good times for everyone else, I didn’t want to be a party pooper.    I had spent years learning how to fit into society and drink with the best of them, yet I knew that true fun shouldn’t revolve around alcohol.    I’d witnessed my close friends’ reactions to others declining drinks — those confused lo...

Caryn G | 27th June 2022 | Relationships

Hindsight is said to be 20/20 for a reason. Once we have time to look back on a situation, we often see things that we previously missed. This can be especially true when it comes to quitting drinking. Only when we quit can we look back and see how we were behaving like a victim. We often don’t realise we have signed up to play a victim’s role in life. We prefer to think of ourselves in the leading role. The hero battling against the terrible injustices that fate and life throw at us. Bravely dealing with our badges of pain. When we are caught up in the throes of addiction, it can be difficult to see just how much our drinking is impacting our lives. We can’t see the impact because alcohol blinds us and numbs our senses. We know it’s dark outside, but we would rather stay buried deep in the rabbit hole than face the scary monsters outside. Yes, alcohol dulls the pain, but it also dumbs down everything else. The Emotionally Unavailable Lover Only when we look back can we understand that we fell for the wrong lover. The one that played hard to get and was emotionally unavailable to us. You know what I’m talking about. We love them, but they never love us back. We want them and desire them. We give them everything. Our money, our time, our freedom. We obsess over them. We don’t really love them or like them but we want them and want is a stronger motivator than like. We need to be noticed and loved and wanted back. But this is something the emotionally unavailable lover will never do. The truth is, no one can love us back until we first love ourselves. Being A Victim You may not even realise that you are acting like a victim. Those who suffer from alcoholism often act like victims or consciously see themselves as victims, its referred to as victimism  or having a victim-mindset. I didn’t realise I had been acting like a victim until I had the gift of hindsight and started to observe others who liked to drink or were trying hard to quit. Drinkers often blame their drinking on problems at work, their lousy relationships, or some traumatic event that happened in their lives. I know I did. They love to complain about the problems in their lives and don’t like to take responsibility for what happens to them, preferring instead to blame the system, their bad luck, fate. The truth is it is easier to be a victim than to change and take control of our life. By being a victim, we always get to justify our drinking, which makes it easy to say we have no control over our drinking or our behaviour. However, this is not the truth. Making Hard Choices Alcoholics are fully capable of making the choice to drink or not to drink. The victim mentality is simply a way to avoid taking responsibility for our actions. If you find yourself thinking like a victim, remember that you are in control of your own life and your own choices. You can choose to change your attitude and take control of your life. It may not be easy, but it is possible. We are the captain of our own ship. So set sail in the direction of your dreams. Take control, accept responsibility for where you are now. Learn to love and accept yourself and never, ever look back. Live Strong, Love & Be Sober Join the Sober Revolution HEER and get the next blog post direct to your inbox.    Liked this article?  Here's a few more to read:  3 serious things to know before you quit drinking 3 things you stop doing when you give up alcohol  ...

Caryn G | 18th June 2022 | Self-Improvement

Never drinking & staying sober is a skill. No one ever tells you the real truth about drinking when you’re young. There isn’t a class in high school, college or university where a professor stands up and says, “Understand this one big point: learning about alcohol is vital if you want to be a success in life. Everything important you do in life requires research. What university to go to? What job? What shirt goes with what jeans? What’s the best phone? So doesn’t it make sense to research alcohol first?” Instead, alcohol remains this massive unknown in most people’s everyday life. They don’t know how to control it. They don’t know how to secretly drink more of it. They don’t know how long it will be before they can’t function at work. They don’t know how to get more money to spend on it. They don’t know how to give it up. They don’t know how to live without it. And that’s a massive problem for anyone to live with. 11 months, 25 days and 13 hours ago, I gave up drinking. I did this because I wanted to but also to support my friend, who was having a hard time giving up. Not for the first time, I made up my mind to quit. But this time I asked a Wildfit coach for help and he suggested the book by Annie Grace, This Naked Mind (I highly recommend this). It turned out that making a concrete decision, taking positive action and having a non-drinking friend were exactly the 3 things I needed to get started successfully. I would later discover that getting started wasn’t the hard thing. As time ticked by, I realised that I needed a foundation of knowledge and strategies to put in place. Which is what I’d like to share with you today. Knowledge is power which is why I'd like to share three important points that will help you navigate giving up alcohol. The quicker you understand these points and plan for them, the easier it will be for you to stay sober. 1. Alcohol Endings and Sober Beginnings One of the first things to expect is that your old alcohol infused drinking life will end. If you've been drinking for a long time it will have a big impact on you. It’s like losing a loved one. You’re going to go into a period of mourning because the love of your life- alcohol is no longer around. You will want your ex back. And you are going to be given constant reminders and prompts to start drinking again. Every time you watch TV, you’re going to see your ex. Every time you go out you will think about your ex and if you meet up with your drinking buddies, they will really push you to drink again. The best way to get over your ex is to get under a new one. The more you can focus on a new hobby or building a new you, the better it will be. Life is about choice. You can choose where you focus. 2. Friends or Frenemies? When you give up drinking you quickly discover that your best friend was the booze. Your second best friends were the people you drank with in the pub. When you quit, you will be faced with the reality that you have nowhere to hide from yourself. You’re going to discover that you have built your daily habits around your ex and it’s going to be a shock. Focus on building new habits that support the growth of the new you. Remember, you want to plan for the long run. We’re not talking about change for a few days, we’re talking about the rest of your life. Get serious about it! 3. Planning For Success If you want lasting sobriety you have to plan for it. This is a huge mindset shift, and it took me some time to understand it. As a drinker planning for life wasn’t a concept I was really familiar with because drink takes care of everything. Drink is always the finale. Got a problem? Solve it with a drink. Feeling happy? Celebrate. Matthew Childs gave a Ted talk called 9 Life Lessons From Rock Climbing. Lesson number 3 is, have a plan. He says, “Often what happens is you’re planning so hard for like, “How do I get through the hardest part?...

Caryn G | 04th June 2022 | psychology & Mental health

If you’re thinking about giving up alcohol, or have already done so, then congratulations! It’s definitely not an easy feat, but it’s so worth it in the end. I can say that with conviction because according to my app, I gave up drinking 11 months, 21 days and 16 hours ago. Just to put this into context, my drinking career spanned over four decades, so I think it’s fair to say drinking was a well-established habit. As F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.” I had tried and failed to give up in the past so I was surprised at how easy I found it this time. But here I am, happy, healthy and alcohol-free. When you give up alcohol, there are a few things that you stop doing. Here are 3 of the big ones. Calculating Your Point Of No Return For starters, you no longer have to worry about calculating how much you can drink before getting a hangover. When you are out with friends or work colleagues, it’s difficult to say no to a drink. But if alcohol is your best friend, it’s virtually impossible to say no to another drink, even though you know you have to get up for work the next morning. You may start the evening with good intentions and decide that you are only going to have just “the one” because of work tomorrow. But, by the time you have chugged your first drink, your good intentions have left the building. Before you know what is happening, you hear yourself saying, “I shouldn’t really but go on then.” “Our society not only encourages drinking — it takes issue with people who don’t drink.” Annie Grace Author of This Naked Mind Bye Bye Guilt One of the major benefits of not drinking is that you are suddenly relieved of a massive amount of guilt. When you stop drinking there is nothing to feel guilty about. You don’t have to worry that you embarrassed yourself by drinking too much, or by saying the wrong thing because alcohol made you brave, obnoxious, or just plain stupid. “Alcohol erases a bit of you every time you drink it. It can even erase entire nights when you are on a binge. Alcohol does not relieve stress; it erases your senses and your ability to think. Alcohol ultimately erases your self.”― Annie Grace, This Naked Mind Stockpiling Booze Once alcohol is off the menu you no longer have to wonder if you should take an extra bottle of wine to your friend’s party because three isn’t enough. You don’t have to buy wine in bulk or give that fancy bottle of champagne space in your fridge. Instead, you can make room for the healthy stuff, the things that help you thrive instead of just surviving. When you love alcohol, it creates a lack-mindset because there is never enough. The desire to drink even when you have clearly had enough and poisoned your system is overwhelming. One drink, one bottle just isn’t enough. When you are constantly saying I need more, your subconscious hears I am not enough. No one ever developed high self-esteem whilst simultaneously smashing it to death with a bottle. Staying On the Wagon If you’re struggling to stay on the wagon, here are a few things that might help: Find a hobby: When you’re not drinking, you might find you have a lot of free time on your hands. This is the perfect opportunity to pick up a new hobby or rediscover an old one. From painting to hiking to cooking, there are endless possibilities! It may take time for your imagination to kick in but trust me, give it time and it will. Staying on the wagon will get a lot easier when you give yourself new things to think about. Hang out with sober friends: It can be difficult to be around people who are drinking when you’re trying to stay on the wagon. That’s why it’s important to have sober friends that you can rely on for support. Stay busy: One of the best ways to avoid temptation and stay on the wagon is to keep yourself busy. Whether taking up a new hobby or staying extra busy at...