Caryn G | 23rd December 2024 | psychology & Mental health

Mulled wine, the sound of clinking glasses, the joyous chatter of family and friends gathered together; this is the Christmas and New Year movie I played in my head for decades.   While many looked forward to indulging in seasonal drinks, I found myself grappling with a growing desire to step away from alcohol — particularly during Christmas and the New Year.    The urge to quit drinking was strong, but the pressure of societal expectations weighed heavily on my shoulders.    My gut was screaming to stop the madness whilst my body yearned to wake up alcohol-free, feeling fresh and relaxed. But, if I stopped drinking at this festive time, wouldn’t it make me the world’s biggest party pooper? The Hangover Cycle   I remember waking up on Boxing Day every Christmas with a heavy head and a mouth like sandpaper.    The memories of the previous night’s revelries often blurred together as I sifted through the detritus of half-hearted attempts to enjoy myself.    Each year, I vowed that this would be the last time I overindulge, yet the allure of festive cheer and the clinking glasses beckoned.    The promise of laughter and merriment twinkled like a shining star in the night. Its brightness eclipsed the reality of hangovers — those grotesque mornings spent nursing a bad gut and bleary eyes.    I was tired of looking in the mirror at someone who was a stranger to me. A person I despised for being weak and pathetic unable to control her drinking. I wanted to be someone else. Someone vibrant and healthy, not perpetually worn down, looking and feeling like it’s an effort to live.   Never Happy After Alcohol?   Beyond the immediate effects of hangovers, I came to realize how alcohol impacted my physical and mental health.    Alcohol wasn’t just a temporary thrill; it wreaked havoc on my gut, disrupting digestion and leading to uncomfortable bloating, I was sure I would explode if someone were to stick a pin in me.    Each drink chipped away at my well-being, leaving me feeling sluggish and unsatisfied.    The late-night snacks and posh dinners that accompanied my festive drinking only amplified my discomfort.    The days following a night out were filled with regret; not just because of the hangover but there was a growing sense of failure and a total disillusionment with my lack of self-discipline.   The relationship I had with alcohol felt increasingly toxic.    I wanted to break free from its chains, but the thought of refusing a drink brought a wave of anxiety that seemed to multiply during Christmas gatherings.    It wasn’t merely the binge drinking that was tugging at my conscience; it was that desperate feeling of wanting to enjoy the festivities while simultaneously wishing to uphold my commitment to sobriety.   Is There A Party Pooper In The Room?   One of the most significant barriers to sobriety during the holidays is the fear of judgment from others.    Christmas celebrations are inherently social, and alcohol is the lubricant that keeps the wheels of this societal fun turning.    When I first quit, I worried that refusing a drink would lead to embarrassing questions or accusations of being a spoilsport.    I had to face the wrath of the drinkers who could smell my vulnerability and susceptibility to alcohol. Comments like, “Oh, come on! Just have one!” or “You’re no fun anymore!” rang in my ears and if I’m honest, they hurt. I felt like I was an outsider and I didn’t belong.   The thought of disappointing friends and family is daunting. I didn’t want to be that person who ruined the good times for everyone else, I didn’t want to be a party pooper.    I had spent years learning how to fit into society and drink with the best of them, yet I knew that true fun shouldn’t revolve around alcohol.    I’d witnessed my close friends’ reactions to others declining drinks — those confused lo...

Caryn G | 28th August 2024 | psychology & Mental health

You might think that the hardest part of quitting is missing alcohol. You would be wrong! There’s a dark side to being sober that people rarely talk about. The truth is, it can be uncomfortable being sober. There are all sorts of shadows lingering in the darkness waiting for you when you finally get sober. But it’s ok because if you were strong enough to decide to get sober, you’re strong enough to deal with the shadows. After all, everyone needs a hero’s journey because without one there is no happily ever after. “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”― Joseph Campbell There are some dark shadows on the road to lasting sobriety. They’re not easy to deal with but that’s ok because facing them is easier and better than waking up every day feeling guilty because you broke your promise not to drink. It’s better than looking like you’ve been hit by a sledgehammer. Or worse still, wondering when it would be a reasonable hour to have a quick snifter or the hair of the dog. The Shadow of Grief The first shadow you’re going to have to deal with is the loss of your best friend. No, actually I’m wrong. The first uncomfortable truth is realising that alcohol was your best friend! That’s just not an easy truth to swallow. It can be shocking to discover that the only genuine attachment you have developed in your entire life is an attachment to alcohol. Booze, the only thing in your life that you loved and liked. Hell, you don’t even like or respect yourself because if you did, there is no way you would abuse your body, neglect your health or feed your soul with the rotting breadcrumbs of a life badly lived. When you realise that you no longer have a best friend, you’re going to experience feelings of grief. I want to be transparent here, because I believe if you know what to expect, then it’s less scary. You are going to realise just how big a deal alcohol was in your life. Not being able to drink or go out boozing is going to create a huge void which you will have to fill. You will feel like you have lost a loved one and for some of you it will hurt like hell. The good news is now that you are no longer a slave to alcohol, you get to choose what and who you fill that void with. This is harder than it sounds, so start with yourself. Make an effort to love yourself, rethink your values and create a better you. To give you some context, since I quit drinking alcohol I have started running, and I have taken myself from the couch to 5k. I’ve set up a niche website and learnt new skills and I’ve made an effort to stay connected to people who I want to be around. Not people who just happen to be in a bar and who also like drinking. Life get’s better without alcohol. Much, much better! The Shadow Of Stunted Growth Once the alcoholic haze has lifted and you realise that you can no longer rely on alcohol to numb the pain or help you make stupid, irrational emotional decisions. You’re left with only one option: face your problems and feel all sorts of negative emotions in their true, raw form. Indecision, confusion, fear, hate, anger. For the first time in your life, you are going to understand that you are an emotional retard who has never learnt the skills needed to deal with life without alcohol. But like everything on this journey, there is a massive upside. In this case, it’s the chance to rebuild your life. You get a chance to make better decisions, to learn new supporting skills, and to learn how to navigate confusion and uncertainty. Making better decisions is a skill, negotiating pain is a skill. All it takes is a little guidance and a bit of patience. The Shadow of The Reckoning Once your mind and body are at peace and your subconscious figures out you are stable, it’s going to start bringing up past traumas. I won’t lie. This can be quite a shock when it starts to happen. Both my friend and I went through this at the same time, so we were able to ...

Caryn G | 21st July 2022 | psychology & Mental health

Self-medicating with alcohol? When we feel like life is shit, the easy thing to do is reach for a drink. Just one glass and all our troubles will disappear. Alcohol, our saviour.   Except it isn’t. If you’re reading this, there is a part of you that wants to change your toxic relationship to drink. Intuitively, you know that there is a better way and that you need to wake up because alcohol is not going to change your life for the better.   Face it! Accept it and then take steps to change it.   First things first, when life is crap and it’s not where we want it to be, we have to accept that no amount of beer, wine or whisky is going to change that. Only you can. Self-medicating with alcohol will hurt you more than it will help.   hen you are drinking, you are only focused on the drink. You don’t care about anything else. You don’t care about your health, your family, or your future. All you care about is getting that next drink, getting high or forgetting about your problems.   The fact that we are the source of our own problems is something that we drinkers overlook.   As an ex-drinker and daughter of an alcoholic, I’ve had decades of experience with alcohol. As an ex-drinker, I know that most of us are able to ignore the fact that alcohol has helped turn us into an emotional retard that is unable to process & manage emotions.   This is all perfectly understandable given the drinking culture we are born into. But just because something is understandable doesn’t make it right.   Feeling happy? Celebrate with a drink. Problems at work? Forget about them with a drink. eeling bored? Get over it with a drink.   Sooner or later, you have to decide you are ready to stop hiding from your fears & failures, make a change for the better, and face the monster under the bed. You can stop self-medicating     When we have made that decision, we can take a step towards a brighter future. If you want to quit or reduce your alcohol intake, there are 3 important areas to invest your time and energy developing. A Shoulder to Cry On Birds of a feather flock together. Take a look around at the people you are choosing to hang out with. Do they drink the same or more than you? In both cases, you need to get a new support system. We can’t rely on the people who drink the same as us for support because they won’t or can’t see drinking as a problem. We can’t ask anyone who drinks more than us because by saying our drinking is out of control, we are also implying they are an alcoholic. Whilst it may be true, they probably don’t want to hear it.   One of the most important things you need to do when quitting drinking is to change your support system.   If your current support system consists of other drinkers, then it’s time to find new friends who don’t drink. These new friends can help you stay on track, provide a different outlook on life, and achieve sobriety. They will be there for you when you’re struggling and want to give up. They will never encourage you to have a drink to get over your problems because that’s not how they solve their problems. New Horizons In addition to changing your support system, you also need to find a new direction for your life, which means getting guidance. We often discuss our problems with other drinkers who are really in no position to give us guidance on how to quit or reduce the booze or how to change our lives and make better decisions.   Many of us who drink have simply lost the ability or never had the ability to make good decisions and life choices, especially when it comes to emotional decisions.   As drinkers, we rarely take the time to figure out what to do with our emotions.   For most of us, we have sought guidance from alcohol. We say things like, I can’t decide now. I’ll have a drink and think about it. Except, we don’t think about it.   We drown our emotions with alcohol or react inappropria...

Caryn G | 04th June 2022 | psychology & Mental health

If you’re thinking about giving up alcohol, or have already done so, then congratulations! It’s definitely not an easy feat, but it’s so worth it in the end. I can say that with conviction because according to my app, I gave up drinking 11 months, 21 days and 16 hours ago. Just to put this into context, my drinking career spanned over four decades, so I think it’s fair to say drinking was a well-established habit. As F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.” I had tried and failed to give up in the past so I was surprised at how easy I found it this time. But here I am, happy, healthy and alcohol-free. When you give up alcohol, there are a few things that you stop doing. Here are 3 of the big ones. Calculating Your Point Of No Return For starters, you no longer have to worry about calculating how much you can drink before getting a hangover. When you are out with friends or work colleagues, it’s difficult to say no to a drink. But if alcohol is your best friend, it’s virtually impossible to say no to another drink, even though you know you have to get up for work the next morning. You may start the evening with good intentions and decide that you are only going to have just “the one” because of work tomorrow. But, by the time you have chugged your first drink, your good intentions have left the building. Before you know what is happening, you hear yourself saying, “I shouldn’t really but go on then.” “Our society not only encourages drinking — it takes issue with people who don’t drink.” Annie Grace Author of This Naked Mind Bye Bye Guilt One of the major benefits of not drinking is that you are suddenly relieved of a massive amount of guilt. When you stop drinking there is nothing to feel guilty about. You don’t have to worry that you embarrassed yourself by drinking too much, or by saying the wrong thing because alcohol made you brave, obnoxious, or just plain stupid. “Alcohol erases a bit of you every time you drink it. It can even erase entire nights when you are on a binge. Alcohol does not relieve stress; it erases your senses and your ability to think. Alcohol ultimately erases your self.”― Annie Grace, This Naked Mind Stockpiling Booze Once alcohol is off the menu you no longer have to wonder if you should take an extra bottle of wine to your friend’s party because three isn’t enough. You don’t have to buy wine in bulk or give that fancy bottle of champagne space in your fridge. Instead, you can make room for the healthy stuff, the things that help you thrive instead of just surviving. When you love alcohol, it creates a lack-mindset because there is never enough. The desire to drink even when you have clearly had enough and poisoned your system is overwhelming. One drink, one bottle just isn’t enough. When you are constantly saying I need more, your subconscious hears I am not enough. No one ever developed high self-esteem whilst simultaneously smashing it to death with a bottle. Staying On the Wagon If you’re struggling to stay on the wagon, here are a few things that might help: Find a hobby: When you’re not drinking, you might find you have a lot of free time on your hands. This is the perfect opportunity to pick up a new hobby or rediscover an old one. From painting to hiking to cooking, there are endless possibilities! It may take time for your imagination to kick in but trust me, give it time and it will. Staying on the wagon will get a lot easier when you give yourself new things to think about. Hang out with sober friends: It can be difficult to be around people who are drinking when you’re trying to stay on the wagon. That’s why it’s important to have sober friends that you can rely on for support. Stay busy: One of the best ways to avoid temptation and stay on the wagon is to keep yourself busy. Whether taking up a new hobby or staying extra busy at...